Way Back Into....

Gue udah lama gak nulis...
So, I guess it's time already to start and write something. Satu hal yang muncul pertama kalo di otak gue hari ini adalah sebuah lagu. Lagu dari film Music & Lyrics. Lagu yang sering gue dengerin, tapi gue baru ngeh kalo lagu ini more or less, sedikit banyak...agak-agak mirip dengan apa yang gue alamin for the last 2 years. Especially since my last relationship. Each line represents my life back then. Let's see it first before bicara lebih jauh lagi....

I've been living with a shadow overhead.
Hmm...shadow overhead ya....dulu untuk keluar dari comfort zone itu susah kali. Gak berani dan rasanya gak mau untuk berubah. Then again, humans are prone to changes.

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed.
Hahaha....jadi inget. Dulu gue mah dangdut banget. Bisa-bisanya nangis sendirian di kamar. Malem-malem. Iyeee....gue pernah nangis. Gue ndak malu untuk mengakui. Nangis karena gue takut untuk sendirian for good.

I've been lonely for so long.
Not that long, tapi...quite long enough. Especially, am not the type who can not live by my own.

Trapped in the past.
Like I said before, old habit die hard.

I just can't seem to move on!
I thought, I can't move on.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away.
Just in case I ever need them again someday.
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!
Ada satu masa dimana dulu gue berpikir kalo sepertinya gue gak bakalan bisa ketemu orang yang bisa comply lagi ama gue. Gak akan ada orang yang bisa gue ajak share semua seneng-senengnya gue dan sedih-sedihnya gue. Jadi gue lebih baik ngilangin semua harapan-harapan pepesan kosong itu (setidaknya saat itu).
Gue memilih to put aside all those feeling though I know am going to need it again one day, just to prevent the heart getting hurt again.


All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
Like I said many-many times before....gue udah capek nyari. I need someone steady and commited.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine.
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs.
I know that it's out there.
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!
Hahaha....gue gak pernah mau menyadari kalo sebenernya there's someone somewhere out there for me.

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.
I was looking for someone yang bisa diajak share about life. That can guide each other when the road seems dark and you just can't get thru it alone.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!
Do I find the one already? Perhaps yes, perhaps not. I can't say whether I found my soulmate for now. Though I do hope, I have found the one. I really do hope that this person is the one that I will spend the rest of my life with. I made a promise to myself that I will make this one works. I will go the distance.

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
Need me to say more? :)

Inti dari tulisan ini adalah...dulu gue adalah orang yang bodoh. Then again, who's not? :)
I was affraid that I can't survive dari kesendirian gue. Gue pikir gue gak akan bisa lepas dari semua comfort zone yang udah gue punya. Gue pikir...gue gak akan ketemu dengan another special someone that can spend the rest of my life with.

But, now the quest is over.