Defining Relationship

Gue gak bisa untuk gak berkomentar sama blog yang ditulis temen gue.
Disitu dia nanya,
“Does he a boyfriend material or not?”

PLAAKK!!! Rasanya kayak ditampar pas gue baca pertanyaan itu.
“Am I a boyfriend material as well?”

Boyfriend/girlfriend material adalah kata yang (mungkin) bakal kita sering denger kalo udah nginjek topik yang namanya : RELATIONSHIP!

What defines a boyfriend/girlfriend material?
Can we define it?

Setia, komunikatif, humoris, etc. Kriteria standar yang ngebuat kita jadi BF/GF material. Tapi, what if that relationship is not a normal relationship? Let’s say it is a cong relationship. Dua manusia with the same sex having a relationship. Have their same ego, same pride and same way of thinking.

Pengalaman temen gue, dia bilang kalo once he asked this particular someone :
“What do you think of me?”
And the answer coming from this particular someone was :
“You are a great person to be boyfriend, sayangnya dari blog lo gue tau kalo lo suka ke sauna juga”

Okay, sejak gue tau kayak apa sauna itu, gue bisa ngebayangin dan rasanya gue juga sedikit banyak ngerti perasaan orang yang ngejawab itu.
In this kind of relationship, it is very much understandable that we feel so insecure and lonely (sometime). And so when we found someone, we just want to hold on to this particular someone. When that time comes then sometime we may also become a little bit possesive (definitely not good) and maybe become MORE insecure.

Why should be insecure?
Gampangkah nemuin seseorang yang click in this kind of relationship world? Pasti jawabannya gak kan?

Dulu gue sempet deket dengan seseorang. DIA = PARTY, PARTY = DIA. Siapa sih yang gak kenal dia? FS account aja sampe punya lebih dari 2. Temen-temennya bejibun (walau gue yakin gak semuanya dia kenal secara personal). Tiap malem, gak peduli weekdays or weekends, dia pergi dugem. Sebelum gue punya hubungan lebih jauh ama dia, gue udah keburu ngerasa insecure. Karena gue takut kalo dia flirting di tempat dugem. Karena gue takut kalo dia udah flirting trus berlanjut ke kasur. Ato ketemuan diem-diem tanpa sepengetahuan gue. Above all sebenernya gue lebih takut kalo dia tidur ama orang lain. So, that’s the end of it.

“PARNO AMAT???” (I think we've felt that way before, haven't we?)
“Gue kan cinta lu. Gak mungkin lah gue ngelakuin itu. Koq curigaan terus sih?”

Let’s see how many cong couples that you know who sail the open sea of relationship for good and not crashing? Kalo fighting storm pasti gak bisa dihindarin ya. Banyak yang gue tau, mayoritas pasti putus karena pihak ketiga. Kenapa bisa sampe ada pihak ketiga? Banyak alesannya. Let’s list some of it (maybe along with some reactions that I might say if someone ever talk to me like this).

“Dianya gak perhatian lagi ama gue!”
>Mungkin dianya sibuk?

“Dianya gak pernah cerita-cerita lagi ama gue.”
>Kenapa gak ditanya ato kenapa gak kamu yang cerita ama dia?

“Dia gak pernah dengerin gue lagi.”
>If he’s not available, you still have your friends to talk with.

“Dia lebih sering ke gym daripada ketemu gue.”
>Kenapa juga gak ikutan nge-gym?

“Dia lebih suka hang-out ama temen-temennya.”
>Kenapa gak ikutan hang-out?

“Gue gak suka temen-temennya.”
>Ya udah why complains? Everybody needs their space sometime. You can't expect dia suka ama temen-temen lu juga dunks?

“Dia pergi dugem dan gue gak suka dugem.”
>Kenapa jadian dari awal? Kompromi lah!!!!

See. Akan selalu ada jawaban untuk setiap pernyataan yang dikeluarkan. Mungkin gak kalo semua pernyataan-pernyataan itu memicu seseorang untuk mencari orang lain yang bisa ngasih itu ke dia sampe akhirnya … THERE YOU HAVE IT, A THIRD PERSON ON THE BED.

It’s hard for me to accept the fact to know that my partner goes clubbing or sauna (even on my acknowledgement). I am one of that person who’s affraid that my partner will leave me for someone better. Though I know there will always be someone better. And I just can’t accept the fact when my partner is screwing somebody else.

Maybe we (men) think that sex is only sex. And it’s different with making love. Sering gue denger kalo banyak yang beranggapan kayak gitu.
[Making love = sex but you do it with love]
and
[Sex = it’s just sex]
The thing is, can we all accept that kind of concept?

Uniting two person with different character is something tricky. Especially when it involves the same sex. Teori ‘menerima pasangan kita apa adanya dan sebaliknya’ tetap berlaku dan memang harus seperti itu.
But,
Do we have to make some changes due to a relationship?
Changes that maybe for a better relationship?
If so, how much the change should be?

Can you still love your partner after several years of relationship? After he turn from one hunkadola into a chunkadola, while there you are standing in your astonishing figure shape and out there running freely youngsters with athletic and muscular body?

Maybe when it comes to a relationship, change is needed. Not drastically. More like comprimising the situation of a two person staying or living together. There will be no YOU or ME anymore. It is already US/WE/OUR when we have a relationship. Every decision to be made is supposed to be what’s best for both interests, not personal (anymore). But, of course even husband and wife have their own boundaries. Batasan yang harus dibuat atas segala keberadaan pribadi mereka masing-masing. Perasaan, kepemilikan pribadi dan masalah personal lainnya. Lagi-lagi hal ini harus dikompromiin lagi.

Gue gak yakin gue bisa ngejawab semua pertanyaan yang ada di blognya temen gue. Karena gue pun bertanya-tanya hal yang sama.

Do I have that boyfriend material when I have a relationship?
How can a relationship works? Compromising? Communication? Sex?

Then maybe some relationship was not meant to be a successful relationship.

Maybe I thought wrong. Maybe I was wrong by writing this. Who am I to judge and make a definition of a relationship?
You read this writing from someone who can keep up his relationship with his partner. I’m sorry, for I am mere human.